To explain this, let me introduce John and Mary. John has been in love with Mary for years. But every time John makes a move on Mary, she tells him "I'm sorry, we can't be together...right now." By doing this Mary is implying that, although she doesn't want a romantic relationship with John at the moment, a romantic relationship is a definite possibility in the future. John then continues to hang around Mary, showering her with attention, gifts and compliments, while continuously waiting for the day when Mary will leap into his arms. Mary, of course, has no intention of ever dating John; she just enjoys having him around as an ego boost.
Terminology: Mary is the hooker (go ahead, giggle :P ), John is the hookee, and John is on Mary's hook.
Good so far? Awesome.
Now according to HIMYM* every person has either been a hooker or a hookee at some point in their life. This set me thinking about myself and my friends, and I realised that the Hollywood geniuses who write those scripts may actually be correct. However, in order to determine whether one has ever been a hooker or hookee, we must first determine what the necessary elements are.
(Can you tell I've been studying too much law lately?)
Elements of "being on the hook"
1) The hookee must be under the impression that, at some point in the future, the hooker intends to have a romantic relationship with him/her.
2) The hooker must have no such intention to ever enter into a relationship with the hookee.
3) The hooker must not discourage the hookee's intentions by stating that they will never be together; if anything, the hooker is likely to encourage the hookee's attention.
All still up to date? If you're lost, go and download the episode. Watch it. Come back and continue reading.
Analysis
It's easy to spot a hooker-hookee relationship from the outside, especially if one of the parties is a friend who will disclose their true intentions. I have no friends who I can definitely say are in either position, but I strongly suspect hooker-hookee relationships between some of the people I know. Spotting such a relationship becomes difficult, however, when it's your own.
Obviously it cannot be said that all people in relationships are neither hookee nor hooker. Using the example above, it's easy to imagine that John is in a relationship with someone but is still waiting hopefully for the day when Mary will tell him that she's ready. It's equally possible to imagine Mary as having a boyfriend, but keeping John around for the days when she's feeling fat/ugly/too lazy to do her own laundry. However I can safely state that I am not on anyone's hook, nor do I have anyone on my own hook. BUT for the sake of this post, I decided to do a little delving into my own romantic history to try and find an example. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have one.
When I was in Grade 8, I was young, chubby, and totally innocent. During the year I started "dating" a boy who was probably my first real crush. Our relationship was long by Gr8 standards - we lasted five whole months. He bought me chocolates and pretty (if plastic) jewellery. His friends told me that he'd said he was in love with me. I basked in his attention. But alas, our differences broke the relationship down. He lived in Pretoria while I lived in Richards Bay; he was a boarder while I went home every afternoon; he didn't like reading and I did; and all the other stupid little things that seem so important to a relationship when you're thirteen. However, even after I'd broken up with him I continued to tell my friends how sweet and cute he was. Whether it ever got back to him, I'll never know. But we remained friends, and I enjoyed having him around. I told myself that maybe one day we'd get back together, once I'd run out of other cute boys to crush on.
And then he left.
He actually only told me that he was moving a week before he did. I was gobsmacked. What was he thinking? I'd been trying to string him along, and apparently he didn't really care. When I went to say goodbye to him on his last day, all I got was a one-armed hug and a distracted, "Ja thanks, see you." Then he was gone, and I was left wondering if he'd ever really loved me.
OK it wasn't that dramatic. But I did feel a little disappointed that he clearly wasn't pining over me.
Fast forward 4 whole years. I'd left school and was in my first year of university. I had a long-term boyfriend; my parents had moved to Durban; I'd all but forgotten about that first puppy love. And then, totally out of the blue, I received a phone call on the morning of my 18th birthday. It was the same young man, calling to wish me happy birthday and to ask if I was still in Durban because he'd like to meet up. It was the one and only time I've spoken to him since those early highschool days. And just the fact that he'd remembered my birthday, that he knew it was my 18th, that he had somehow found my cellphone number...made me realise that perhaps he was on my hook after all :)
(Oh and if you're reading this...please don't call/email/Facebook-message to tell me that you weren't. Let me have my rose-coloured view of the past :P )
I am in no doubt that the gentleman in question is no longer on my hook; I'm willing to bet that he hasn't thought about me since that phone call in first year, much like I hadn't thought about him up until now. But I realised that perhaps the HIMYM people were correct: we will all, at some point or another, be either a hooker or hookee. Life kinda sucks like that.
And so I leave you with the inspirational (and admittedly dramatically soppy) advice from HIMYM's resident softy Ted: if you want to get someone off your hook, you'll have to break their heart. And if you're hopelessly pining after someone who keeps telling you that "right now" is not the right time...maybe it's time to let go.
And because that's a depressing place to end, I leave you with some awesome Barney Stinson quotes :)
*Note: HIMYM is an acronym for How I Met Your Mother, for those of you who live under a rock. I believe that it's pronounced "him-im" as to pronounce "hy-mim" is too close to another word and would make me uncomfortable :P )
