During my time at varsity I've heard people saying some of the funniest things. I usually collect these quotes and put them on my Facebook page, but then I thought: why not stick them on here? So now you can read some of the strange and endlessly amusing things I've heard Rhodents saying :)
First year
"I'm giving up assholes for lent!" - Meghan
"My name is Meg-HAN, I like to par-TY!" - Meghan
Guy: "What's that??"
Caroline: (blushing) "My room key..."
"He speaks Naavi! Then the Grinch's heart grew ten times bigger..." - Ayrelia (sorry if I misspelt Naavi!)
"Have you ever blown up a frog?" - Ayrelia (this one got an interesting silence...)
Caroline: "Then I saw his psych essays and wow..."
Tayla: "Your heart melted?"
Caroline: "Yeah, kind of."
"That punch was a waste of my time, and a waste of my bladder space." - Lauren
"That's not a condom, it's a teabag." - Lulu (on seeing a shiny packet on the floor).
"Guys, the door's dead. I mean, locked." - Lauren
Tayla: "I'm too sober to be happy."
Fran: "Tayla, that's called alcoholism."
"Fire extinguishers are like speed bumps for drunk people." - Fran
Jordan: "What the f*** is that??"
Korst: "It's a cow, bru."
Jordan: "That's a f***ing big cow! I thought it was a rhino or something."
(And yes, they were sober...)
(While trying to find Chris Hani house)
Ayrelia: "Dude, we went this way the other night!"
Tayla: "Really?"
*pause*
Ayrelia: "No."
(While watching Hairspray)
Caroline: "This movie covers so many issues, like racism, fat-ism..."
*cue Ayrelia choking on her tea*
(Still watching Hairspray)
Link/Zac Efron (onscreen): "Kiss my ass!"
Caroline: "I would, I really would."
Kelvin: "Have you seen the movie Nine? It's so...sedultry."
Tayla: "Sedultry?"
Kelvin: "Ja, it's like seductive and sultry, with a little bit of adultery thrown in."
Tayla: "Is that even a word?"
Kelvin: "It is now."
"Be good. If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, name it after me." - MY MOM (I know she's not a Rhodent but this made me laugh nonetheless.)
Kelvin: "I don't like the way Coke burns my tongue."
Tayla: "I do."
Kelvin: "You like that it burns your tongue and can dissolve your teeth in minutes?"
Tayla: "Yes! It's like playing with death!"
Tayla: (talking about cane) "I don't like the taste, but I like what it does."
Kelvin: "Isn't that always the case..."
Tayla: "Kelvin, that's so dodgy."
Tayla: "So why did you delete Facebook?"
Oli: "I f***ing hate little squids."
"It's like a thinking cap but just better." - Oli (GTalk conversation about wearing underpants on your head)
"Don't panic. Don't take drugs before your exam." - exam tips from Adv. Renaud (LT1 lecturer)
Fran: "What religion are you?"
Stevan: "I'm Charismatic."
Caroline: "Now we know, never judge a boy by his psych essays." (see above)
(The people in the following quote asked to remain anonymous...=P)
Person A: What nationality is he?"
Person B: "Greek."
Person A: "Then he definitely has more than two legs."
"...I mean, there was no lack of Bibles in the house." - Mark (on becoming an atheist)
"We can blow them up and tie them up and use them as balloons." - Ayrelia, talking about frogs again.
Tayla: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder...of someone else."
Kelvin: "So does absinthe."
Tayla: "I just stopped my sentence halfway through..."
Mel: "Did you?"
Tayla: "I don't know what's worse: that I did, or that you didn't notice."
(Discussion about where Adonis came from)
Fran: "Wasn't it immaculate conception?"
Tracey: "That was Athena."
Fran: "Oh, I thought that was Jesus."
"Do you plan your hookups? 'Cause then they're no longer hookups, just well-ambushed." - Kelvin
"He's tall and he has, like, hair." - Tshidi (describing a guy in her chem prac)
"The first time I used a microphone like this in my first lecture, it felt like a dildo. It still does." - Unnamed lecturer (who was using a handheld microphone instead of a clip-on)
Lulu: "I've really got to find myself some new friends."
Tayla: "...ouch."
"Life is a living experience." - Jon
Ayrelia: "I tripped and it just landed in my mouth."
Caroline: "I've heard that excuse before, but for sex."
Jon: "I like little girls."
Tayla: "That's not something you should admit to."
Jon: "...not in that way!"
"Embrace student life...and a Smuts boy!" - Caroline's english tutor
Mel: "What's going on?"
Fran: "God knows. Assuming He exists."
"That is how you do philosophy! When you think about death, start thinking about toasters." - M Vermaak (phil lecturer)
"I think a hobo slept in my mouth last night." - Justin (after a heavy night of drinking)
"Longer is going to be better than shorter. Even if shorter is better." - phil tutor Jesse (phil arguments can be SO much fun...)
"I was just thinking about how awesome I am." - Jon (this made my day :P)
"All I want for Christmas is a pair of sensible heels." - Kelvin
"I had to hide my googly bits." - Kelvin (about his drag queen evening)
"It's life. It happens." - Jon
"Is this a percentage? Or, like, a mark out of fifty?" - Korst (on receiving his essay)
Tayla: "I want to hear you try to disprove that..."
(Travis hits me with a pillow)
Tayla: "That was an ad hoc move and you know it."
"The mirror is - symbolically - a mirror." - Jenna (english tutor)
"Penises scare me." - Caroline
"I can't understand this whole "writing tests at 7 on Friday night". I'm usually drunk by that time!" - psych lecturer
Travis (via sms): "Well, this is lame."
Tayla (via sms): "You're sitting about 2m away from me and you sms me? Seriously?"
Travis: "Hey you replied, didn't you?"
"Natural evil is evil that arises from nature, like mosquitoes or avocado pears. Things that really suck." - Francis, phil lecturer.
"You have tiny toes. (pause). Not that I want to give you a complex about it or anything." - Bjorn
"We live in an atheistic, consumerist, materialistic society." - Francis, phil lecturer.
"You know what I think? I think I'm God." - Mouse/Alex (it did actually kinda make sense once he explained it...)
"I blame the pillowcase." - Travis
(This is how you know you need sleep...)
"Right, there's episode six...and seven's eating..." - Sam
Tayla: "I'm like 5 foot 2."
Kuan: "Hey I don't count in foots!"
Tayla: "...feet, Kuan."
(On the phone)
"Hang on mom, I'm in the library...no you don't have to whisper, they can't hear you." - Sam
Ayrelia: "You know who likes fighting?"
Amanda: "Who?"
Ayrelia: "Thingy." (pause) "You know, thingy! With the hair!"
Second year
Jason: "We named my laptop. It is now dubbed Tiny Ass."
Tayla: "Dare I ask why?"
Jason: "Because it's one of those small laptops, and it's an Asus computer. Plus it has a cute bum."
...
(While driving)
"This guy is flying right up my bum...normally that's a good thing, but now..." - Kelvin
Kelvin: "Home is where the heart is..."
Tayla: "So mine is somewhere around my left boob?"
(Looking in the cupboard)
Tayla: "I took one of those little soaps from the cupboard."
Mom: "You can take all three if you want."
Tayla: "Ah it's fine, soap's only like three rand for a bar."
Mom: "Three rand times three bars, that's nine rand you'd save. That's one shot."
Tayla: (laughing) "Mom!"
Mom: "...I probably shouldn't be saying things like that to my daughter."
Caroline: "So what, are we going to sit at the back and check out the talent?"
Tayla: "Well, that...or we could sit at the front and BE the talent."
"My room is like a nun's hole." (pause) "House! I meant house!" - Caroline
"We're ho's in a nun's hole." - Caroline
"Rationality is an extremely complex notion. I mean, I can't even spell it." - Ward Jones, phil lecturer.
"This is valuable?" (waves R100 note in the air) "It's just a f*cking piece of paper with some printing on it." - Ward again.
"'...that their heads are made of earthenware', which I've often tried to imagine." - Ward
"There is a future, and we'll get to it eventually." - John, Latin lecturer (talking about tenses :P)
"We should play Monopoly! I rock at Monopoly. I mean, I'm Jewish." - Fran
(Attempted fly resurrection)
Nina: "Nobody poked Jesus when he was dead!"
Kelly: "Does that look like Jesus to you?"
Abbey: "Come on. Jesus took three days. Give the fly a chance."
"Oh my god, it's Jesus!" - Sam
"You don't have worms. You have f*cking anacondas." - Anon (on how much his friend eats)
Tayla: "It's laundry day, so I don't have anything else to wear and I'm SO cold in a skirt!"
Ayrelia: "Happy Laundry Day!"
"May all your ups and downs be horizontal." - Uncle Paul (at his sister's wedding)
"I would make out with you." (pause) "What? I'm just saying." - Will
Danelle: "My password is unbreakable!"
Cath: "Well, that's easy to remember."
Daniel: "I expect you all to pass the Latin exam summa cum laude."
Robyn: "Have you set it?"
Daniel: "...no."
Robyn: "That's promising."
Storm: "I hope this is quick. I have a man waiting in my bed."
Caroline: "...I hate my life. Do you know what's in my bed? Crumbs."
Fran: "I've read the same line about three times now."
Tracey: "Ya, I'm kinda over this too."
Caroline: "Itchy scratchy!"
(cue confused silence)
"If I put up half my fringe, I look like Hitler." - Fran
"Urb urb urb urb urb..." Daniel, Latin lecturer (talking to himself)
Caroline: "We're really good friends..."
Tayla: "...so you hooked up with him?"
Fran: "Well you have to thank your friends somehow."
Dave: (looking out window) "Apparently they put those up for Arbor Day."
Tayla: "What, the trees?"
Fifi: "Don't be impotent, young man!"
(The word was "impertinent". Not "impotent".)
Caroline: "You know you're in the dining hall when the salt isn't salty."
Tayla: "Caroline, your nose is blocked."
Caroline: "...ah. That might be it."
"Be jealous of my mugs!" - Dave
"Sam, you're the perfect example of a woman. You have no idea where your home is but you know where the shopping centre is." - Juby
"I'm not drinking tonight!...ok, pass me a shot glass." - Storm
"I'm genetically engineered to be awesome." - Dave
"If God does exist...how cool would it be if He made babies come out in tuxedos??" - Dave
(Overheard through a res window while walking past)
"So a cheeseburger...that's, like, a hamburger with cheese?"
Third year
"Girls, keep touching your boobs!" - Maura
"I'd like to visit Mars one day. I'd imagine it's like Iraq." - Dave
"They're not pyjamas. They're my colourful personality pants!" - Cayley
Dave: "I make the rules here!"
Tayla: "Screw you."
Dave: "...yes."
"When I was trying to be religious I started reading the Bible and found that it was boring as f**k." - Dave
Gareth: "Do you have any idea how awesome the weather was at the beach this morning??"
Bryn: "...no. Obviously."
"Lambs have fur..." - Cayley
"I can't wait to get home and jump into WordPad!" - Dave (drunk)
(falling asleep, slightly drunk)
Dave: "I love you. I hope we get a good price."
Tayla: "For what?"
Dave: "The sheep."
"I'm full of shit, but it's honest shit." - Jon
"I'm average height for a girl." - Dave
"Heaven would be boring as hell." - Dave
Tayla: "I would so blow your mind."
Dave: "...that's not what I want blown."
"You don't fall in love because she's awesome. You fall in love because of her ass." - Ward
"If you wipe your bum on a towel I will cut off your balls and leave them on the floor." - Cayley
"You guys want a doughnut? I thought I'd get through all eight but I only managed three." - Bryn
"I nap for a change of scenery." - Meghan
"You just have to remember what letter 'tea' starts with." - Dave
"Hungry hungry hungry hungry hungry hungry lion..." - Dave (singing)
"Everything is stupid. People are stupid." - Dave
"To give you a first, they want insightful shit." - Laura on Phil exams
