After the recent water crisis in the Makana Municipality, Vice-Chancellor of Rhodes announced on StudentZone that he intends to put emergency water plans in place. To ensure that this happens, he has also established a team to deal with water-related issues around the university. This team has been named...
(drumroll)
EMERGENCY WATER ACTION TEAM!
Known as "EWAT" for short, this team will "kick into action" when water problems occur at Rhodes. Not only do I admire the Vice-Chancellor's immediate response to the water problems (no sarcasm, seriously, he's really tried hard), but his exciting Emergency Water Action Team (Da da da DAAAAAAA!) has inspired me to create a few of my own Rhodes Superheroes. I present to you: The Super Rhodent League!
NAPS MAN
Naps Man is the leader of the Super Rhodent League. Dressed in dirty Rhodent overalls, he can be found sauntering around town looking for damsels in distress on Friday nights. He is drawn to drunkenness, girls who were recently dumped, and the Friars dancefloor, and it is rumoured that he hides in Jan Smuts during the daylight hours. His super powers are too explicit for this PG blog.
THE GREAT SHUSHER
The brains of the Super Rhodent League, the Great Shusher haunts the libraries of Rhodes. He can be found hunched over dusty, cracked books in the furthest corners of the library, and wears a constant expression of fierce concentration. He also wears his glasses on a string and his pants around his armpits. His super powers include expertly shushing anyone who walks past him too loudly, vicious glares at those who ask him questions, and the ability to vapourize anyone whose cellphone rings.
THE PATRIOT
The Patriot is the only Rhodent (other than the SRC) who wears purple on every possible occasion. He arrives at every Rhodes-related event, knows every Rhodes war-cry and supports every sports event. His super-powers include screaming at impossibly high volume, melting seamlessly into a crowd, and knowing every Rhodes event on the calendar. He is rarely seen, but can be tracked through the half-empty jars of purple paint and faint scent of Black Label that he leaves behind.
FIRSTIE
Firstie embodies everything that is a first year at Rhodes. She can usually be found in the dining hall, loudly complaining about the food and eating endless amounts of toast. Her arms are often covered in permanent marker comments, like "OMG Jenni loves you!" and "Yeah bitch, I'm single!" She drinks a lot of crackling. Her super powers include sleeping all day and partying all night, downing five shots of vodka in a row, and being able to attend lectures no matter how much she drank the night before.
Of course the Super Rhodent League is still in its early stages, so more superheroes will no doubt join when they realise how awesome the League is. But of course, every League of superheroes must have its villains...
PEDANTIC MAN
Pedantic Man is the worst villain of them all. He hides at the back of lecture theatres and tutorial rooms, waiting for the moment when the lecturer/tutor is about to let everyone out early. Then his hand shoots up with super-human speed and he asks an in-depth, meaningful question. Ten minutes later, the class is still there.
His greatest weakness is duct tape.
THE PROTESTOR
We all know that sometimes protesting is the only way to get your point across, but The Protestor takes it to a whole new level. This energetic villain attends every protest, be it against animal cruelty, violence against women, or getting more fruit in the dining hall. She will bore you to death with loud monologues about her latest vendetta, and then shame you into joining her in her naked run/dirty protest/dance marathon for diabetes sufferers.
Her greatest weakness is debate teams.
There you have it; four wonderful Rhodent super heroes and a few villains for them to take on. Now that you know the secret, keep your eyes peeled for these fantastic specimens around campus; you're bound to spot them as they perform dastardly deeds or leap to the rescue of a Rhodent in need.
And maybe when I'm bored and have more time on my hands, there will be an epic battle between the two...
For now, I look forward to seeing the Emergency Water Action Team. I really, really hope they have matching costumes.
