If I was a rich girl...

Ever wondered why guys always seem to have the money to buy endless computer games, gaming consoles and odd gadgets that they don't actually need? I believe I have the answer.

Firstly, guys earn more than girls. It's an accepted fact, even in the modern world. My own mother once commented that my brother's choice of career was more important than mine because one day he "will be the primary breadwinner of the family". Wtf? I'm not going to be entirely dependent on my husband for money! And what if I don't get married? I'll still have to provide for myself!

Ahem. Sorry. But other than the fact that guys earn more money, girls have less money because they spend more. And I'm sure all you guys are nodding your heads and going "Exactly!", but hear me out first. Girls don't spend more because they WANT to, but because they HAVE to. I'm not talking about buying handbags or endless pairs of shoes. I mean normal, everyday expenses that guys simply don't have. Conditioner, for example. How many straight guys actually use conditioner? Maybe a few, but not many. Body lotion is another one. And don't say "Girls don't need body lotion if guys don't!". It's fine for a guy to have rough, manly, I-work-all-day-in-the-fields skin, but would you really want a girlfriend with skin like that? No, I didn't think so. Hairbrushes are another one. Maybe it's just my social circle, but most of the guys I know never brush their hair.

Then there are monthly requirements like pads and tampons. Girls have to buy them, we have no choice. And those things are expensive! A box of tampons costs as much as a bottle of cheap wine. That's part of your predrinking money gone every month. Makeup is also insanely expensive - R80 for an eyeliner?? And guys, there's a difference between "the natural look" and no makeup.

See??

When it comes down to it, maybe this is why guys are always expected to be the ones who pay for dinners out and buy presents for their girlfriends: because in the end, they usually have more money. So girls, the next time you see your boyfriend/guy friend playing the latest R700 XBox game, don't berate him for wasting his money. It's not like he has much else to spend it on :P

PS: Guys, please note that this is a tongue-in-cheek piece and not intended to offend anyone. In other words, it's a joke. Relax. :)

What's in a name?

When I was in primary school, my nickname was "Dictionary". Why? Because I was good at spelling and other kids would ask me how to spell things for their essays and such. I was later upgraded to "Spell Check" by the guy I sat next to, because he decided that my nickname wasn't modern enough. Since then I've gravitated through several other nicknames, but it wasn't until I hit Rhodes that I realised how common nicknames are. Especially among guys.

In my first Philosophy tut of first year, a friend and I discovered that there were several very good-looking boys in our group. We didn't know their names, so we decided to give them nicknames. Mostly so that we could perv over them together. Some of them were very boring; one guy was nicknamed Blondie because he was, well, blond. Duh. Another was the gentle giant, because he was 6"4 and talked about emotions a lot. The one I was crushing on was nicknamed the sexy loudmouth, because he was drop-dead gorgeous and talked way too much. The one my friend was crushing on was God's gift to women (which I'd assume is self-explanatory). Of course these guys never knew their nicknames (and if you're reading this and figure out which one you are, I applaud you :P ).

I think I've always been in the habit of nicknaming guy friends, but some nicknames stuck more than others. My two closest guys from school were alpha geek and the cupcake. Alpha geek came from a definition we once found in a magazine, as "the person who knows more on a subject than anyone else in the room". The cupcake was my GBF (gay best friend) who wanted to write a cookery book and use the pseudonym The Cupcake Queen. This habit extended into varsity - my friends have been nicknamed with terms as diverse as Creep (because he gets creepy when he's drunk) and Neanderthal (I just spent fifteen minutes rereading old gtalk conversations to remember where that one came from - apparently because he couldn't multitask).

Since coming to Rhodes, I've discovered that guys have some strange nicknames. I've been introduced to ones as diverse as Mouse, Mad Cow, Hedgehog, Krusty, O Snap, Frenchie and Ralph (which, incidentally, did not come from a vomiting habit as one would think; it had something to do with the character Ralph from Lord of the Flies). Sadly I can't explain where all of these nicknames come from; some are from surnames, some are from physical appearance, some are from drunken incidents, nationality or a habit of using a particular saying. Sometimes I find it's safer not to ask.

Girls with nicknames don't seem to be quite as common somehow. Shortened versions of names occur; for example, a lot of friends call me Tay or Tails instead of Tayla (although Tails goes way back to when I was much, much younger. My sister and I used to watch Sonic the Hedgehog. Because she was older, she got to be Sonic. And I got to be the sidekick named - yes, you guessed it - Tails). Francesca is known as Fran, Danelle is Dan, Melinda is Mel and Lwambeso (I hope I spelled that right) is Lulu. Now that I think about it, maybe girls are just a lot less original when it comes to nicknames. Come on, ladies! We need to get creative. We've already had one step in the right direction with one friend, who recently decided to nickname me Sensei (for reasons that will remain undisclosed...). It's not like we don't have enough embarassing drunken moments to provide for potential nicknames! (Well, I'm speaking for the Jammies girls here - I don't know about the rest of you :P ).
...actually, on second thoughts, let's scrap that idea. Certain embarassing moments should stay as secretive as possible. I can live with 'Sensei'. :P

PS: brief shout out to the phil boys. You're still as good looking as you were last year :)