Operation Kick-Ass (it's not what you expect)

Today, I heard a rather strange conversation between a guy and a girl...

Guy: "Ladies first."
Girl: "No, you go first."
Guy: "I'm being polite, you go first!"

...and so on. Why does this warrant a blog post? Well, let me put it in context. This conversation was going on in the rather narrow main doorway to GLT (a lecture theatre). My lecture was due to start inside in five minutes. Oh, and did I mention it was raining? So while the 'cute couple' flirtatiously tried to convince each other to go in first, a group of disgruntled law students stood on the stairs in the rain. If I was a crueller - and more confident - person, the situation would have been something like this:

Guy: "Ladies first."
Girl: "No, you go first."
Guy: "I'm being polite, you go first!"
Tayla: "Excuse me? I can see that you two have some issues to work out. I know it's a scary experience, but going through a door first can be surprisingly easy. Watch..." (walks through door) "OMG! I'm still alive!"

Instead I mumbled a very grumpy "excuse me" and pushed them both out of the way. I realise that this makes me sound like a rather rude person, but I've honestly had enough of inconsiderate people like that. Did they seriously not realise that about ten people were waiting to go into the lecture theatre?? Flirt somewhere else, you annoyingly cute couple.

And before people start telling me that I'm just a bitter singleton (which I am, but that's irrelevant :P), let me point out another scenario from today. I was in a hurry after my French lecture because, well, it was lunch and I hadn't eaten since 7am. Of course it wasjust my luck that I happened to end up behind another happy couple on the stairs. Now this stairway is about 1.5 or 2m wide. Neither of the partners were particularly fat. But somehow they managed to take up the ENTIRE space while jostling, laughing and tickling each other. And as they were clearly both enjoying spending time with each other, they were in no rush to get down the stairs. In their heads, "I'm walking on sunshine" merrily rang out while they playfully pushed each other back and forth. Behind them, a funeral dirge would have been more appropriate to enhance the irritated French students trudging down the stairs at a snail's pace behind them.

However fret not, for I have come up with a solution to this problem. If someone is walking slowly in front of you - be they male, female or a lovingly entwined couple - just give them a good boot up the backside. I guarantee it'll get them moving faster. Especially if it's on a staircase; if you kick hard enough, they'll probably make it to the bottom long before anyone else. Make it fun; ten points if they bounce at the bottom! Fifteen points if they slide into the open lecture theatre door! Twenty points if they slide into a closed lecture theatre door!
I think it'll be effective. If someone gave me a kick in the ass, I'm pretty sure I'd walk faster. Or kick them back. Either way, corridors are about to get a whole lot more entertaining.