On my way back from a lecture today I bumped into a friend, who filled me in on his latest drama. Apparently a mutual friend of ours had sent him a bbm asking for help carrying her bags down from the bus stop. He only replied two hours later, and she didn't respond. He tried to call her. She didn't pick up. He immediately went into panic mode, convinced that she had been mugged on her way home. Of course she was fine - she just didn't have her phone on her.
This kind of behaviour is starting to worry me. We (people in general and students in particular) have become so dependent on virtual communication that we tend to forget it's not the same as face-to-face communication. Just because someone doesn't reply to a message doesn't mean that they've been kidnapped, or they're ignoring you, or they're dead. Maybe - and I know this is a shocking suggestion - they just didn't have their phone with them. Or - even more shocking - they switched it off. Usually I would blame Blackberries for the modern communication ettiquette, but in this case all cellphone users are responsible.
Perhaps not even just cellphone users. For example, a friend of mine has a soft spot for a guy. She sent him a gtalk message just to say hi. For the next ten minutes she was checking her gtalk approximately every 30 seconds to see if he'd responded. When he didn't, discussion raged over whether he was ignoring her or whether he simply hadn't seen the message. A lot of girls seem to panic about this; as soon as a guy doesn't respond to a message (especially if it's a flirty or naughty message) the assumption is that he's being an asshole and ignoring her. I will admit that both I and my friends have been guilty of this in the past. But up until now it's never occurred to me to perhaps just call the guy instead of sending him a message, and suggest that we hang out. Simple. What's the worst that could happen? At least if he says no then you know he's not interested, as opposed to agonising over whether he's going to answer an sms.
With so many options for general virtual chitchat - Facebook, mXit, Gtalk, BBM - we forget the wonders of face-to-face, personal conversations. It becomes so much easier to read a situation when you're with the person, and it often negates those awkward pauses in a virtual conversation where you can't get beyond
"What are you up to?"
"Not much, you?"
"Same, not much."
Sending "hugs!" isn't the same as jumping on a person and squeezing the breath out of them, sending "xx" isn't the same as a kiss goodnight, sending "rofl" isn't the same as clinging to a friend and laughing until your cheeks hurt. Yes, sometimes when you can't see someone in person because of external forces (e.g. being in different cities) it helps to be able to chat to them over the Internet/cellphone network. But when the person is in the room next door, get your lazy butt out of your chair and go to say hello in person. You might be surprised at the results :) and when someone doesn't answer your message, PLEASE don't assume that they're ignoring you. Or that they've died in a terrible accident. Chances are, they simply forgot their phone when they left for lectures that morning. So chill. :)
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