My Life (according to Facebook)

As you all no doubt know, Facebook has this handy little side bar which displays ads according to information that it picks up on your profile. Recently I've found that some of these ads are endlessly entertaining, while others are somewhat disturbing. In the interest of endless amusement (and procrastination) I refreshed my Facebook newsfeed three times and copied down the ads that it displayed. And now here I present to you those groups of ads, and what Facebook is apparently telling me about my life.
(Please note: my relationship status is not currently listed on Facebook).

Attempt 1:

Urban Zone Wedges

Durex

The Masked Trader investments

Zoosk: Meet singles on Facebook!
So according to this one, I'm a typical single young woman who is interested in shoes, safe sex, and making money. Nothing too worrying about that.

Attempt 2:

Dress to Impress

Lifestyle pads

#1 Dating App on Facebook

Oreo McFlurry

Facebook appears to be concerned about my relationship status. I am being given hints on how to dress properly and how to meet 'other singles'. Apparently all that safe sex (or, being single, lack of it) means that I need a sanitary pad reminder too. Hooray, at least I'm not pregnant. And if I get too PMS-y or sad about my single life, at least I can eat ice-cream.

Attempt 3:

Save up to 70% on dresses!

Singles on Facebook

Behandel jou depressie

My sex life has now become non-existent. Facebook has given up on reminding me to dress well, and instead insisting that I save money by buying cheap clothes. However, the concern over my singledom remains at an all-time high. And now I can go to depression therapy if my lack of a partner becomes too much for me to handle.

In response to these ads, I have written a letter to Facebook.

Dear Facebook,

Thank you for your concern regarding my life. Although I appreciate your attempts to shoehorn me into a relationship, I should probably inform you that my lack of Facebook relationship status does not mean that I am a sad singleton who is ready to turn to online dating. Quite the contrary, in fact. On that note, the Durex ads were greatly appreciated too; I'm glad you're concerned about preventing STDs and unwanted pregnancy. However, I would rather you didn't speculate about what I may or may not be doing with my female parts, thus please stop sending me ads about condoms and sanitary pads. On the clothing note, I am a broke student and do not have the funds for an online shopping spree, so the clothing and shoe ads are also unnecessary.

Thank you again for your concern.
Tayla

PS: There is no McDonalds in Grahamstown so I cannot get a McFlurry, despite the fact that I am now craving one. Thanks a lot, jerk.