The unfairness of relationships

This morning I dragged myself out of bed at the crack of dawn (actually, BEFORE the crack of dawn) and staggered zombie-like into the shower. As I washed my hair, I realised that it was reaching the stage of the week when I'd have to shave my legs. Now my female readers will understand what a mission this is; as for the guys, think about what a hassle it is to shave your face. Now imagine shaving two times or more the surface area, and you'll get the picture.
"But it's winter!" a little voice in the back of my head piped up.
"But...I have a boyfriend."

And in the end, that is what draws the line between a girl who shaves her legs and one who doesn't.

(Before I continue, I know that the feminists out there will respond with messages along the lines of "I don't like shaving so I don't do it" and "Why should I shave just because men expect me to?" I'm not saying that you have to. I'm stereotyping. It's tongue-in-cheek, and not intended as offensive. Work with me :) )

Guys will often refer to certain girls as "high maintenance". To the best of my understanding, this means that the girl needs constant looking-after. This could be gold diggers who want endless gifts, needy girls who always need attention, moody girls who need to be constantly placated, and so on. Basically, it seems that "high maintenance" refers to where guys have to go ridiculously out of their way to please a girl who is never satisfied. But here's the thing: guys can be unintentionally high maintenance too.

When a girl is single and not heading out on a Saturday night, she has no real reason to get sex-ied up. Why shave my legs if no one is going to see them? Why bother putting on that tight red top if it's painfully uncomfortable and I'm not really looking for boys to notice me? Why wear a lacy thong when my old cotton undies are so much more comfortable? Why shouldn't I eat two slices of cake instead of one? Who cares if my breath is awful in the morning?

But once you have a (new) boyfriend, that all changes. Suddenly, having hairy legs is not an option. The ancient grey undies and oversized hoodie get whisked to the back of the cupboard. The bikini line is neatly trimmed, the kitchen is cleared of crumbs, and salads are back on the menu. Because hey, if someone is going to see you naked then you want to look damn good in every possible way.

Of course once the relationship has reached a certain point, some of those lazier habits start to creep back in. But if you read those modern 'sexy' magazines like Cosmo and Glamour, they warn against such things. Don't let your man see your bed unmade! Don't resort to missionary sex every night - it's not good enough! Throw out your holey undies and buy lots of lace, silk, and push-up bras! Sneak out of bed before your man wakes up and make sure you look fabulous! (Seriously, I once read that last one in a magazine). We're expected to look super-sexy at every moment of every day, lest (God forbid!) said boyfriend realises that we don't always look like we've just stepped out of a magazine.

And yet somehow, the same expectations just don't apply to men. Tell your female friends that your boyfriend left his underwear on your pillow/farted under the duvet/didn't shower for three days and they'll laugh, shrug and go "That's guys for you." Now imagine if you did that! (Or guys, imagine if your girlfriend did that!) Borderline deal-breaker. (Actually, I'm pretty sure most guys wouldn't complain if their girlfriends left underwear on their pillows. Unless it was the ancient grey cotton granny-panties). In fact, I'm pretty sure "Mo-vember" is just an excuse for guys to stop shaving for a month.
A guy doesn't shower for three days? Manly.
Farts on you? They're little boys at heart.
Can't be bothered to shave? "I'm growing a beard."
Showers twice a day, wears cologne and has hole-free underwear? "Must be gay".

So I put forward a proposal; a feminist movement if you will. The next time your boyfriend/boytoy/sex buddy/ stops shaving, join him and stop shaving too. If he stops showering, you stop showering. If he farts and giggles about it, then do the same! Gross him out! And so we shall change the world, one man at a time :P

And if you find a guy who adores you and still treats you like an absolute princess despite all that...lock him in your basement and never let him go. Silence-Of-The-Lambs-style. :P