The Hipsters Descend

I have never been fortunate enough to experience the joys of the Grahamstown Arts Festival. When I was in highschool my school would annually send a group of students on tour to the Fest. Unfortunately these were art and drama students, and by Gr10 my subjects were decidedly scientific. I didn't qualify for the tour.

This year was the first time that I happened to still be floating around Grahamstown while Fest preparations were underway. And I can safely say that I've rarely seen our delightful little Gtown looking so crowded. But, unlike O-week and Trivar, these crowds were not made up of drunken students staggering through the streets in unwashed overalls and getting hit by cars. Instead, the arts capital of South Africa opened up its heart and disgorged its many, many inhabitants.

The Cape Town hipsters flooded in.

Now I'm not saying that everyone from Cape Town is a hipster. I'm simply saying that Cape Town probably has the highest hipster quota in South Africa. And boy do they love the Grahamstown Festival. Everywhere I went, I found myself walking past these strange beings and catching snippets of deep, meaningful conversation. So, to help those poor Rhodents who may find themselves overwhelmed by the influx of Fest guests, I have compiled a brief guide Surviving the Hipster Invasion.

The Hipster Apocalypse Survival Guide
1. Recognising the Hipster
Firstly, a Hipster is likely to be carrying a backpack or oversized bag of some kind. Like any tourist, they have travelled a long way and need to keep essentials nearby.
Secondly, their clothing is easy to spot. Look for skinny jeans, sneakers, oversized jerseys and beanies. Hairstyles are usually stylishly messy. Another sure-fire sign is the giant black-framed glasses, with or without glass.

2. Hipster Habits
Hipsters tend to travel in small packs of four or five. They are often found in coffee shops, sipping designer coffee and typing rapidly on their iPads or netbooks. They also like to engage one another in meaningful conversations about art, dramatic performance, modernist literature and indie bands that no one has ever heard of.

3. Aggravating Hipsters
While not recommended, there are several possible ways to aggravate a Hipster. Try:
1. Proving that you knew about an obscure band before they did. "The Flaming Willows? Yeah, the lead singer lived next door to me while they were still a garage band."
2. Laughing when they tell you that they don't like Nicki Minaj/Justin Bieber/anyone remotely commercial.
3. Telling them that installation art is stupid.

4. Placating Hipsters
If you have accidentally angered a Hipster, try the following methods to calm the waters again.
1. Buy them a cup of rare Civet coffee.
2. Ask them what they think of post-modernist poetry.
3. Admit that you've never heard of the band/poet/artist/director that they've mentioned.
4. Ask where they bought their skinny jeans.

5. Poking fun at Hipsters
Yes this entire guide is done as tongue-in-cheek and not meant to offend. To prove it, I shall end off with some mildly offensive Hipster-related jokes.

What's a hipster's favourite number?
It's an obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.

How did the hipster burn his hand?
He changed the lightbulb before it was cool.

So there you have it. Enjoy Fest, party hard, and don't get eaten by hipsters. :P

PS: THIS IS THE 100TH POST ON THIS BLOG. WHOOOOOOOO :D