Burn, baby, burn

Whoever invented the firedrill should be shot.

This was the mantra repeating itself incessantly in my mind last night as I traipsed sleepily down the res stairs, the shrill fire alarm blaring in my ears. First years rushed past me, blankets clutched against their chests and terrified expressions lighting up their faces. In the beginning of first year, one is told that speed is of the essence during a firedrill, lest it turns out to be a true emergency and we all fry in our beds because we were too lazy to sprint down the stairs. Naturally once you've been through the process a couple of times, you can't be bothered to hurry. During one of the workshops we went through last year, a fireman told us "If there is a fire in your res, your chances of survival are slim." If I'm going to burn to death anyway, then I shall do it at a leisurely pace.

Another important rule that we are told is to place our dustbins outside our bedroom doors when the fire alarm goes off to indicate that we've left our rooms. If it was a real fire, I doubt I would take those few extra minutes to wrestle my stubborn dustbin from under my desk and kick it out of my door (as I did last night). If they're going to take a register once we've evacuated the building, who needs to see a dustbin? On that point, who is going to re-enter a burning building just to check how many dustbins are outside bedrooms?

And of course there's the ever-popular "Don't take anything with you!" that we've been told since primary school firedrills. At my very first firedrill in first year, I obeyed this rule perfectly. It was only after we were allowed to return to our rooms that I realised I'd locked myself out. Since then I choose to alter this rule to suit myself: "Don't take anything with you EXCEPT your keys! And possibly your cellphone so you can update your Facebook status. And maybe a blanket if it's cold."

So to sum up my thought processes during a firedrill:
"Wha...effing fire alarm! Crap. It's 3am for god's sake! OK let's see...can you tell I'm not wearing a bra? Hope not. Where are my keys? Wait, grab a blanket. Alright NOW where are my keys? Oh there they are. Is my heater still on? Actually, who cares. The place is burning down anyway. I should probably hurry."
(opens door and walks quickly down corridor)
"Wait...forgot the damn dustbin."
By this point, of course, the fire would probably have consumed most of the res and a burning pile of floorboards would crash down on my head as I maneuver my dustbin out from under my desk.

Hmm. I can see now why they tell us to hurry. Ah screw it. I may as well stay in bed. With my procrastinating skills, I'm never going to make it to the front door anyway.